In my 61 years I have learned many things and as a wise Latina, I will share with you some good old-fashioned common sense. Please send your Battle Axe questions to Eleanor@lesbiangcemag.com. Check out the new Battle Axe video by Marga Gomez!

Dear Battleaxe,

I recently met someone from Montana, she’s kind of old school and apparently she grew up in a cattle ranch. She’s fun and lovely and treats me like a queen. She kiddingly calls me ‘little heifer’. I have to say it took me by surprise…What should I do?

—Baffled in Boston

Dear Baffled,

The key words here are, “she treats you like a queen”. If I was you, I would bat my eyelashes and say moo!

Dear Battleaxe,

I have been living in San Francisco for years, I have to say the summers are getting to me, with that grey foggy weather. A good friend says I should be used to it by now and should look for my inner sunshine. What do you think?

–Looking for Sunshine in SF

Dear Looking for Sunshine,

Inner sunshine can only radiate so much heat. Unless you are hot flashing like a hot volcano, I’d suggest going to Sacramento, there is sunshine AND heat.

Dear Battleaxe,

I’ve noticed that when friends need to communicate with me, and obviously don’t want to deal with me verbally, they text me. Should I be offended? What’s the proper etiquette?

–Texting in Texas

Dear Texting,

The problem is, there is no etiquette. Do what I do. When I get that text, I call them up and say “What do you mean you can’t go? Get your TOA (tired old ass) together and meet me, as promised.  They usually do.