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Window Shopping for Lesbians

Window Shopping for Lesbians

I am a 77 year old lesbian “window-shopping” on Match.com. The big 77 scares women in the 60 – 77 age range that I am looking for. The ones in their sixties are afraid of being “over the hill”. Why is every woman, including myself, trying to find someone younger than themselves?  This is so discouraging. I am not special. I am just like everybody else: GETTING OLD. Yet, we insist we are all “younger-looking than my age” — “energetic”, “lively”. We begin to say that once we are past the 13-20 range when we want to look older that our age,  to be able to drive, drink  (hopefully not at the same time) and make out with our gym teacher. Are twenty-somethings the only ones that are okay with the age they are?

And the women in their 70s scare me. (Match should have a SHOPPERS BEWARE sign on the site.) You see, the honor system went out the window at Match with women posting photos that are anywhere from ten to thirty years old. That was the first one that got me. Beginner’s luck, I thought. Blonde flowing hair. Feminine. A Vogue look. Wow! Responsive. No winks but prompt emails. My first shot at it and I was already to pay for her moving van. The jackpot—and I’m not even a gambler, although I realize that being on Match is a kind of gambling. Oh, my goddess! This woman was a disaster. No, it is not PC to say that she was a disaster, but it is the truth, cross my heart. I took a look and I was ready to turn around and walk out of the coffee shop. But no, I said to myself, I am not going to be a “looksist.” (Who am I fooling? Being on Match is being looksist.)  Maybe she is kind, I thought. Nope. Brilliant. Nope. Creative. Nope. And kindness, brilliance or creativity don’t make up for lying anyway. No, girls, it just isn’t cool,

You know that the ones that don’t post photos must be hiding something – in the closet? ashamed? have warts? crooked teeth? And the 70 year olds that are looking for women ages 20- 35 are really men. (Yes, it happens! Match doesn’t assume responsibility. It is the database’s fault.) Are they still trying to convert us? And the women who  say they are interested in 25 – 100 year olds, who are they kidding? Are they doing research? Are they blind?  Oh, it is so tempting! Someone that is not ageist! Wow! Haven’t tried one of those yet. I want to live in the fantasy that to someone out there age really doesn’t matter.

Take my advice, if you don’t want to deal with your age, don’t go on Match. The truth, the real truth here, is that, and I really, really hate to admit it, is that I have had to face my age. There is no polite way of saying, “you are too old for me”.  I hate to hear it. After several emails out, even stretching myself to find someone who seems interesting, or attractive, and I get no response, I’ m ready to quit. I know what it means. And after another flat coffee shop rendezvous I get discouraged. But let me tell you gals out there, yes, “gals” as they say in cowboy country, I still have many hills to climb before my legs give out and after that I will dance in a wheelchair.

Carmen de Monteflores is a native Puerto Rican writer living in the U. S. She is the author of the well-received novel, Cantando Bajito/ Singing Softly. She wrote and produced the play, Blood Lines, presented twice in San Francisco, and has written articles, poetry and essays. Check out her new book “Possessions” at www.possessionsthenovel.com

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5 comments

  • rachel wahba says:

    oh my beautiful carmen you are the most beautiful woman i know and furthermore, what a great piece!!! mazaltov carmi i love you
    rachel wahba

  • Nena Fraser Hodder says:

    Fabulous piece, Mami! Totally great and on the money, you’re the best. Readers take note: my mom is awesome– she has more energy, talent, and beauty than “girls” half her age, plus the biggest heart imaginable. So ladies, take your numbers please!

  • Rachel Stover says:

    I LOVE THIS!!!!!! (…and older women- *wink*) Your blog almost killed me. thank you- thank you- thank you!!!!!

  • phern says:

    So good to hear what you have to say about honesty and online dating. That is the first problem across the board for all ages, but the age issue is huge. You nailed it.

  • Betsy Kassoff says:

    Great piece, Carmen. And I hope your beauty and brilliance find the appreciative audience you deserve in this forum.