I went into my son’s freshman high school class last week as a member of the Spectrum’s LGBT Speaker’s Bureau to help dispel myths about LGBT people and to educate them about the consequences of teen bullying by sharing my story.
It was 8:00 am and the kids just stared blankly, with their mouths agape. No questions, no comments, no response whatsoever. They are teenagers, it was early, and they were the hardest audience I’d ever faced.
I’d asked my son earlier if he would mind having me come in and he said “Mommy, the kids need to hear you.” I’m pretty sure there was someone who needed to hear us there that day, and I’m confident about the importance of our work. Its clear that these kids are still at a very insecure age and are uncertain about how they fit into the world.
I can relate. I continue to wrestle with the grief and shame over the ending of my 27 year partnership with my son’s other Mom. After nearly two years on my own I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what my uncertain future holds—without my family intact. I’ve always told my kids that we don’t grow and learn unless we make mistakes and/or experience hardship. Time to walk the talk.
I’ve learned that keeping my heart open means I get to experience a lot of love, but hurt can come in too. I have to keep reminding myself that in order to feel that rush of joy in my chest, I have to be open to crushing disappointments along the way.
Luckily I’m old enough to know that the tough times won’t last forever. I’m ready to start the New Year with a new attitude and let go of the future that I had counted on. It seems that the more I plan and scheme to make things just so—I limit myself—because I believe that I can’t possibly imagine how wonderful my future can be.
Starting Epochalips has been my saving grace this year and bringing you all along to share it with me has been a wild adventure!
A special thanks to all of those who have contributed, subscribed and especially those who clicked “Like”.
This year we’ve grown exponentially, and really struck a nerve amongst Battle Axes everywhere. We have subscribers in Guam, Iceland, New Zealand, Ireland, Africa, and everywhere in between.
Help us make 2011 even better by patronizing our sponsors, contributing your stories, and continuing to spread the word, far and wide.