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Black Swan Makes Me Hungry

Black Swan Makes Me Hungry

The psychological thriller Black Swan is all the buzz with the “lesbian sex scene” between its stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Well yeah, everybody wants to see pretty young women getting it on with each other—even Republicans. I must hand it to Ms. Portman for delivering a solid performance as a bony young woman obsessed with being the perfect ballerina as well as a fucked up trippy chick. She shows us the competitive world of a ballet company in New York City who is preparing for the classic Swan Lake.

The story starts with Nina (Portman) waking up from her ballerina dream and then getting out of bed, stretching her toes and legs and cracking all her brittle bones—it just looks and sounds painful. She eats her breakfast of half a grapefruit and one lonely limp poached egg. What?! Where’s the rice, beans and salsa? The food is prepared by her controlling mother Erica played to perfection by the no nonsense actress Barbara Hershey.

Nina runs off to rehearsal and we’re introduced to the other anorexic ballerinas doing pliés and twirly things as they dish and bitch about other dancers. During a break, Nina sits in the hallway and hears an angry woman yelling and glass breaking. We then see a ferocious divine Winona Ryder, as Beth, an aging dancer trashing her former dressing room—Thomas, (Vincent Cassel), the director has just forced her into early retirement and she is livid. Sexy former shoplifter, storms out of the room and catches Nina staring at her and Beth responds with a delicious pissed off, “What?!” Ay, Winona, you need a spanking.

Despite the stiff competition, Nina has just been chosen to play the lead Swan Queen who has to portray the good girl swan and the evil slutty swan. Later that evening at the reception to honor Nina and the new season, she meets her frenemy Lily, the tattooed  party girl ballerina from San Francisco played by the naughty Mila Kunis. After knocking annoyingly on the bathroom door, Nina lets Lily in. Standing pretty in her black dress, Lily introduces herself while she nonchalantly slips off her thong and places it in her purse.  Shocked, Nina tries to escape but Lily begs her to stay so they can chat. The last time some panty-less chick wanted to chat with me, I got pregnant.

With all the celebratory attention on Nina, Beth gets really ripped and by the end of the evening she shouts to the new “it” girl,  “You fucking little whore!” Again, another moment that made my bloomers twitch.

Now that Nina is Thomas’ new star, he invites her to his apartment after the shindig. Once inside his chalet, he’s asking her all these personal inappropriate questions.  Although she believes his inquiries are improper, Nina feels obligated to answer and tells him she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s not a virgin and no, she’s never peed in the shower but she has pooped in her pants. He tells Nina her homework is to: “Touch yourself. Live a little.” Although uptight Nina was hoping more for a 500 word essay on, Texting While Vomiting, she knows she has to fulfill her assignment. The next morning she wakes up feeling frisky so she starts to pleasure herself but stops suddenly when she realizes her mom is in her room asleep in a chair—I know, creepy. But I have to ask, is it a white woman thing to masturbate on your bed while lying on your stomach? I’ve seen this phenomenon a few times in movies where the lead white female character masturbates on a bed, as she’s lying on her stomach. You can’t really maneuver your hand very well if you’re on your stomach, especially if you suffer from fibromyalgia.

As Nina prepares for this consuming role, she is constantly being told by her arrogant director, she doesn’t have it in her to be the evil black swan and he is continuingly berating her with insults and working her to the bone in rehearsals. Her mother, a former unsuccessful ballerina, is suffocating; hovering over Nina trying to protect her from the world and her own fingernails. Lily tries to be Nina’s friend but she’s also after her job.

Despite their rivalry, Lily comes to Nina’s apartment to apologize for her earlier insensitive remark, but domineering mama protests her outing which gives Nina more incentive to go out and party. Hesitant at first, Nina does indulge in an ecstasy filled night with Lily at a club as they shake their groove thing on the dance floor and make out. On the way home in the taxi to Nina’s apartment, Lily starts to massage Nina’s crotch.  Nina enjoys the gesture for a few seconds but then removes Lily’s hand and you think that’s the end of that.  But once inside her apartment and they pass the warden who’s yelling at Nina to get her ass to bed, the women escape to her room and—good god! Nina pounces on Lily and shoves her tongue down her throat.  Clothes start flying off and the next thing you know, Lily is going down on Nina—no, for reals!  Lily’s tongue is in Nina’s chocha—no, for the reallys!  I haven’t seen cinematic lesbian sex of this caliber since the cult favorite: The Hunger, with the powerful and sensuous Catherine Deneuve—hot!

The next morning Nina wakes up alone, hung over and late for her dress rehearsal.

From this point on, Nina starts pushing herself so hard to be the perfect dancer that she gradually has a ballerina breakdown. She’s hallucinating, loosing her mind, forcing herself to throw up, her toenails are cracking, they’re bloody, she has horrific hangnails and she can’t stop scratching her back.  But this isn’t just about being psychotic. Nina’s acting like a nutcase because she’s hungry. She’s freakin’ starving and calcium deficient. How in the hell is a woman athlete suppose to be so physically and emotionally extreme on her body if she can’t eat a carne asada burrito on a regular basis? And, need I remind you, she’s dancing on the tips of her toes. My god people, that is so unnatural!

This movie was hard to watch because of the awful things people were doing to one another or themselves but that’s what made this movie so riveting. Director Darren Aronofsky did a magnificent job of telling a story with repulsive and beautiful images. Even the tearing, ripping, and stabbing of flesh, which seems to be Aronofsky’s signature, was disgusting yet compelling to watch. And when you really think about it, Black Swan is a horror movie but with pirouettes, pliés, puking, poultry and pussy.

Natalie Portman will definitely be nominated for an Academy Award; she does a superb job of descending into madness and finally becoming the perfect evil black swan with her fierce feathers and chola make-up to the third power. I left the theater creeped out yet ready for an all you can eat buffet; those anorexic bodies made me hungry.

To book Monica for your next event, go to: www.monicapalacios.com

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9 comments

  • Kim Reed says:

    About that white chick thing? masturbating while lying on your stomach, yeh because you are not flat on your stomach… with pelvic thrusts, think about being inside Natalie Portman! and you can stuff a pillow under your lower abs and press down tight, leaving room for your best hand on the clitoris of your flower and pretend you are humping Mila Kunis. May be caused by internalized yoga lessons, camel, downward dog, bridge, horney cat.

  • epochalipsnow says:

    Oh good LORD! Face down masturbation: readers, whats the verdict!?

  • Come on, Monica. Enough with the race-baiting. For your information YES, white women do masturbate face down. Y Que?

  • Therese Hernandez-Cano says:

    I’m fighting some kind of bug & you still crack me up! I agree about the facedown masturbation! Is it like you don’t want someone to see you or what?! Nope, legs tight, fingers on & finger in is the way to go!

  • epochalipsnow says:

    I think you don’t want your Mother asleep in the chair missing in action from “Beaches” to see you!

  • Yesenia says:

    Mexican lezbo here that masturbates not only on her back but on her stomach and on her side and standing up and on a yoga ball and in the car and I could go on… I thought that scene was pretty hot… minus her madre of course! Live a little ladies =)

  • Guess I don’t have to see the movie now.Shucks!

  • BiQueerHere says:

    A WHITE thing?? hahaha!! Off-white/white-ethnic, queer/genderqueer (born female)here. Could NEVER understand the ‘on your stomach’ masturbation position. It’s SO uncomfortable that I thought it was only used in porn. Until I met real-life females who said they got off like that. But if it works for you, I say go for it.

  • natasha dyer says:

    black chick signing in: i’ve always masturbated on my stomach…preferably.