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What the Hell Did You Eat?

28 Dec Posted by in • Ask a Battle-axe | Comments Off on What the Hell Did You Eat?
What the Hell Did You Eat?

Dear Battleaxe,
I recently had a cough and bought some cough drops. The little wrappers had various messages inside:“A pep talk in every drop”,  “Put a little strut in it” and “Let’s hear your battle cry.” I guess some marketing person thought it was clever. What do you think?

Dear Eucalyptus Breath,

It might be clever but before you know it, you’ll have some company putting messages on toilet paper like, “What the hell did you eat?” Or better yet “Oh shit, explosive diarrhea!”

Dear Battleaxe,

I was riding the city bus and I overheard a woman pointing out to her friend “that’s where someone had their leg decapitated”.  Should I have told them legs can’t be “decapitated”?

Dear Concerned,

No, you can’t protect people from their own stupidity. You did the right thing, let them stew in their ignorance.

Dear Battleaxe,

How do you handle chatty people who sit next to you on a flight?

Dear Bothered,

I was flying to Miami days before the election, and an older woman next me asked “Are you a Democrat or a Republican?” and I thought ‘Oh dear me‘. Here is what I do. I reach for my bag underneath the seat, grab the extra pair of undies I have, (and trust me they are big) and place them on my head. It stops them every time.

In my 64 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@epochalips.com.

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