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Lesbian Humor: Best of the Battle-axe

Lesbian Humor: Best of the Battle-axe

Dear Battleaxe,
I’m dating someone who I haven’t had sex with yet. But I think we are about to—any day now. The problem is, she wants me to shave my pussy because she is hair-phobic. Should I do it? Or maybe just trim the front?

Dear ‘Business in front— party in back’,
Sounds like a mullet to me. Try some highlights, blonds have more fun!

Dear Battleaxe,
I recently had a cough and bought some cough drops. The little wrappers had various messages inside:“A pep talk in every drop”,  “Put a little strut in it” and “Let’s hear your battle cry.” I guess some marketing person thought it was clever. What do you think?

Dear Eucalyptus Breath,
It might be clever but before you know it, you’ll have some company putting messages on toilet paper like, “What the hell did you eat?” Or better yet “Oh shit, explosive diarrhea!”

Dear Battle Axe,
I don’t feel old, in fact, most people don’t believe I’m in my mid-60s! Do you have a list of ‘do’s & dont’s’ to help keep my age a secret?

EyesDear Hiding,
Rule #1 If you wear glasses, use frames to hide the bags under your eyes. But beware, your glasses might MAGNIFY your wrinkles and your crows feet…SCARY! Or your eyes could appear so big you will start looking like an owl.
Rule #2 If you are going out with someone for the first time, leave your HurryCane and Life Alert at home. If you fall and you can’t get up, hopefully your date will join you on the floor.
Rule #3 Always take a nap if you want to stay up past 10:00 pm.

In my 66 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@epochalips.com.

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