Valentine’s Day is approaching, and that’s a mixed blessing. If you don’t have a lover, you can feel like a loser. If you have a partner who’s no longer a lover–you’ve drifted into asexual “friendship”–you may feel a painful loss of passion. Even if you have a lover, you may feel stressed about getting the right gift, dinner reservations, flowers, etc etc. Where’s the joy in all this?
We humans have a very basic, biological need to feel attached to another living being. Sexual intimacy is one way to have that, but there are others. Could be a person or a pet, but the need to touch and be touched, to feel like you matter to someone, is universal and powerful–and it’s not limited to lovers. So the joy in Valentine’s Day can be this: remind yourself and whoever is close to you that you both matter, that you love and care for each other, that you have something to give and receive just because you’re reaching out in a loving spirit.
That’s where you’ll find the joy.
Glenda Corwin, Ph.D is a clinical psychologist who specializes in lesbian sexual issues. She is the author of Sexual Intimacy for Women: A Guide for Same Sex Couples (Seal Press, 2010). Dr. Corwin writes for the Huffington Post: Gay Voices, Epochalips.com, as well as her own blog on www.DrGlendaCorwin.com. She presents frequently at professional conferences, and is a regular guest on Barb Elgin’s LesbianLoveTalk radio program.
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