Forgive me for paraphrasing David Sedaris, but we have a point in common. Isn’t everybody tired of advice, lesbian relationship advice and more advice, and isn’t it time to laugh a bit? Advice from counselors is a funny thing: I sometimes think it’s silly to give advice: how to be happy, how to be rich, how to be both, how to say sorry and how to keep your Brazilian from itching. (No, really? I’ve yet to see that piece of advice…) When it comes down to it, does anyone listen and really follow advice?
So this little bit of advice I am spouting out here is no different. Diss it as you like or laugh at it as you can. Be silly, is my advice. Talk silly to your loved one, address her with childish, playful nonsense, yes, even with baby talk, and if you are like me, you’ll be happier, much happier. Maybe happy ever after. Because silly takes you one notch down from being the big adult confronting your lover with that irritated, exasperated, angry tone of voice: “You once again didn’t tell me…” “How could you possibly forget to….?” “If only you wouldn’t always…” “Jesus, couldn’t you once and for all…?”
Well, you know. Not fun. Pretty scary at times, if you are honest.
Now instead of scary big mama or papa, imagine two kids entering the zone of conflict. They would have kid names, anything cute or pet-like and funny, anything absurd that can crack you up. Let’s call them Kibble and Mopple for now. “Hey, do you know what Kibble once again did?” “Where do you suppose Mopple has been hiding the car keys this time?” “Mopple can’t stand it when Kibble does…etc.” “If that Kibble can’t stop her naughty ways we’ll have to pack her up and send her back to where she came from!” “Mopple has to make a confession, she….”
How much easier to admit a hurt or an embarrassing failure if it’s not ME but Mopple who’s admitting it. Mopple is a little thing and might be consoled and forgiven, might be charming or cute or disarming with her kid-voice. Hearing the name Mopple might be enough to stop her loved one from being hurt or disappointed or even flying off the handle. I personally have a hard time saying sorry, but there’s that other part of me that can say, “Mopple sorry!…”
Well, enough said. Try it (or don’t). Use the silly pet names you already have in your repertoire or invent new ones, hilarious ones, together—names that crack you up.
Btw, don’t worry about the common advice for lesbians not to use baby talk because couples using baby talk are “merged” and don’t have sex. Nonsense. Mopple and Kibble can have a lot of naughty fun in bed. It’s their nature to be naughty, cheeky and bold, which can be pretty disarming in sex play. I am talking from experience (laughing can be a turn on). You’ll know when to shut up when you feel that particular heat rising in your throat. And sure, there can be too much of a good thing anywhere. All you have to do is call a stop, call in the Silliness Patrol and send those kids packing. Do it in style, not in irritation. A bit of practice —and you’ll talk pretty silly… soon.