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Booty Calls and PDA’s

Booty Calls and PDA’s

In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@epochalips.com.

Dear Battleaxe,

What ever happened to Booty Calls, do you think people are still doing them,  and does it only happen at night? Just wondering…

Dear Just Wondering,

I think they are no longer called Booty Calls, maybe Booty Text? Which I imagine you can do at any time of day as long as you are lusting for someone. But, if you are texting you have to be careful of any photos of body parts you send. Personally I want a call, to hear a voice begging me to come over and it has to be before I put my jammies on and get too comfortable.

Bring back Booty Calls!!!!

Dear Battleaxe,

I was riding my bike the other day in the park and I saw these two young gals kissing, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. I thought….Ahh to be young and in love, I remember that, I think we all do, the young idealistic love. Without sounding cynical, how long do you think it lasts? Thinking about the good old days.

Dear Thinking About the Good Old Days,

That lovey dovey stuff with locked lips and constant public displays of affection, I would say about a year if even that. The sizzling turns to simmer, then luke warm, then it’s on the back burner. Now I can’t say that about all people, because I’m sure we all know that elderly couple who still hold hands and I find that very sweet. I’m saying in general, ok? It takes a good 5 years to know if you are going to hang in there. By then you know their bad habits and they know yours.  To be or not to be… and this leads into my next question.

Dear Battleaxe,

I have been involved with someone for 5 years. We still care for each other, in that sisterly lesbian way but we both know it is time to go our seperate ways. Some how I can not bring myself to be the one to initiate the split. What do you suggest? Write a Dear Jane Letter? I feel stressed out.

Dear Stressed Out,

Call the Breaker Upper, they’ll do it for you. Why put yourself through the stress. They’ll call, email, text or deliver the message in person. They can read it, sing it, do it in any language you want.. This is the quick, easy, no mess, no fuss kind of way, 100% guaranteed. Life is too short, do it now!

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