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Stop Embarrassing Yourself. Read This!

Stop Embarrassing Yourself. Read This!
Dear Battle Axe,
I don’t feel old, in fact, most people don’t believe I’m in my mid-60s! Do you have a list of ‘do’s & dont’s’ to help keep my age a secret?

Dear Hiding,
Rule #1 If you wear glasses, use frames to hide the bags under your eyes. But beware, your glasses might MAGNIFY your wrinkles and your crows feet…SCARY! Or your eyes could appear so big you will start looking like an owl.Eyes Rule #2 If you are going out with someone for the first time, leave your HurryCane and Life Alert at home. If you fall and you can’t get up, hopefully your date will join you on the floor.
Rule #3 Always take a nap if you want to stay up past 10:00 pm.

 

 

Dear Battle Axe,
How can I tell if I’ve have had too much to drink? And when to stop before I totally embarrass myself?

Dear Worried,
I would say you can pretty much tell you’ve had too much if:
#1 You think the vegetables in your Bloody Mary are as good as a salad, and therefore count as your dinner.
#2 You try to pee in the bushes, forgetting you are already wearing Depends.
#3 You wake up the next morning with a pair of lips tattooed on your neck.
I once  worked with a woman who was from a small village in Peru. She told me she could always tell she had too much when she found herself riding home on her burro backwards!

Dear Battleaxe,
How can you tell when you are getting old?

Dear Senior,
You’ll know when you try to fill in information on your credit card on the web and your birth date appears in roman numerals.

In my 64 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to Eleanor@epochalips.com.

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