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Lez Get REAL Lesbians

Lez Get REAL Lesbians

Apparently since there’s so much money to be made in the lucrative lesbian bloggers’ market these days, coupled with the fact that it’s soooooooo hard as a straight white man to have your voice heard… in the course of 24 hours last week it was uncovered that two lesbian bloggers ended up being, gasp, straight men. And I don’t mean FTM. I mean straight and male, since birth. And chalk-colored.

One day we discovered that straight white male writer, Tom MacMaster from Georgia (the state, not the country) posed as the allegedly recently kidnapped, alleged Syrian-American, the alleged Amina Arraf (the alleged Gay Girl in Damascus). JT Leroy, anyone? The next day, we found out that’s Paula Brooks was actually (are you ready?), 58 year old, Bill Graber, a retired Ohio military man and construction worker who adopted his wife’s identity online, without her knowing. And the following day? That Martina N. is a really straight guy from Tennessee? Who can we believe? And what measures can be taken to assure that these “lesbian” bloggers are really lesbian? Should they have to submit to tests? I’ll take Gertrude Stein for a 100, please, Alex.

Bill “I’m not gay, but…” Graber told the Washington Post: “I didn’t start this with my name because… I thought people wouldn’t take it seriously, me being a straight man.” That’s right, Bill. And apparently both married men had flirted with each other in their lesbian blogger personas. But that’s another article. (We can only hope that both men’s wives will meet and fall in love. That would give them more grist for their lesbian mills.)

Epochalips just unearthed this  “how to be a lesbian blogger” primer:

Must be a white guy, with the desire to launch a writing career with actual readers, against all odds of being a straight white guy. Must be able to Google “lesbian writer’s traits,” use the right lingo, know current and historical lesbius references, and carry on flirtatious email exchanges with other “lesbian” bloggers. Must be married to a woman who has no idea of your other identity.

It’s time for all of you “lesbian” writers and readers of Epochalips to come forward. Is ya or is ya aint? Robin? Me? Or are we really straight guys with good intentions trying to cash in on the lesboid writers’ market?

Lisa Geduldig is a San Francisco-based comedian and comedy producer. She is the creator, producer, & MC of a variety of annual comedy shows including Kung Pao Kosher Comedy: Jewish comedy on Christmas in a Chinese Restaurant (now in its 19th year) and Funny Girlz: A Smorgasbord of Women Comedians (11 years so far, on hiatus this year) along with the monthly Comedy Returns to El Rio that takes place the 2nd Monday of the month at El Rio (where she began doing stand up 21 years ago) in San Francisco’s Mission District.

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  • I am soooo not a straight male trying to break into the ‘lucrative lesbian blogger’s market’, my favorite new onymoron. Let us uncover all the bad boys and I second the notion that their wives should fall in love. karma, don’t be lazy.
    Great piece, Lisa! 🙂

  • rachel wahba says:

    yup, just all too surreal…then again, its all “virtual” right?
    this particular hoax is disgusting…they fucked with a particulary very serious writer (melanie nathan) on the blog who put in a lot of time, heart and soul into it. and lisa, how perfect a piece you wrote to get us out of the repulsive creepiness of it all. laughing, great medicine. thank you.

  • thanks, rachel.
    the faux syrian lesbian guy put real lbgt bloggers in syria in danger with his cry to be read.