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Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym

20 Jul Posted by in • Ask a Battle-axe | Comments Off on Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym
Twirling Nipples and Grunting at the Gym

In my 61 years I have learned many things and have some good old-fashioned common sense. Send your questions to

Dear Battleaxe,
 I’m always looking at porn at work. I know it is wrong but the thrill of getting caught adds to my excitement and makes my nipples twirl. Should I lock my office door?

Dear Twirling Nipples,
Forget the door, you need help and you are walking a fine panty line. You could lose your job and internet access. How are you going to get your rocks off then? The Library??

Dear Battleaxe,
Why do some people talk with that influx at the end of their sentences, you know, like “Valley Girl Talk and with a question? I hear it alot from young people but I also hear it from some of my co-workers who aren’t that young, It really irritates me. And what about the people who say ” I’m like and I’m all” I even hear news commentators talking like that. What is this world coming to? Whatever happened to proper English?

Dear Irritated,
I’m  Like, all aghast!

Dear Battleaxe,
Why do some people exaggerate their grunts when they are at the gym working out, lifting weights or dumbbells? One woman on the stationary bike actually makes noises like she is having an orgasm! I’m totally disgusted.

Dear Disgusted Dumbbell,
I have been wondering the same thing as I hear these people at my gym as well. I think it is the same people who embellish their sexual cacophany. I once dated a woman who made loud noises and I hadn’t even touched her yet.

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