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Lesbian Comic is Out in the Woods

06 Apr Posted by in Guest Writers | 1 comment
Lesbian Comic is Out in the Woods

ThinkstockPhotos-137988773I lived in LA for 14 years in West Hollywood and then moved back to the woods in Perryville, RI.

Talk about country, ya know how they say it is bad luck for a black cat to cross your path? Well, what is it when a black cow crosses your path? Seriously, one night I was leaving the driveway and I see this big black object in the road – I’m thinking the blob, a black hole, a moose? No, it was a giant black cow! Wow you don’t see that everyday and you never see that in LA. Just the other day I read in the local paper that a cow was up on the Jamestown bridge. Damn, cows are on the mooooove.. Was it going up there for a better view or was it depressed and going up there to end it all? Anyway – So, what I’m getting at is that I’m in the woods and let me tell you the bugs are endless. Once in LA I had some sort of kitchen bug infestation and I was able to get rid of them in a week. But here in the woods, you cannot get rid of them. They walk around like they own the place. And not just one kind, oh no, every kind of bug known and not known to mankind. I mean: lady bugs, June bugs, fleas, flies, wasps, bees, spiders,   mosquitoes, no see ems, and those are just the ones that fly. Then there are the creepy ones; ants, ticks, silverfish, grasshoppers, crickets, and the bug of the week, the stinkbug. They actually stink if you kill them.

ThinkstockPhotos-473323746When I first moved there I was very Zen Buddist, you know everything deserves to live. I would actually take the stinkbug outside and release it, but after a month of these insect taxi rides, I got fed up and snapped. Now everything must die – die, crush, kill, destroy, smash, thwack, dead, squish, sorry bu-bye. I kill them all! “Anything in this house with more than two legs is dead!” They know I’m not fooling around now. Spiders are all nervous going by me up on two legs. “Just the two Poppy see? Only two legs here.” I’m like “Oh no you don’t, I see the other six behind your back.” Smack ,oh I kill them all, I even killed a praying mantis. I didn’t realize what it was and as my arm was coming down on it with the Charlestown Press, I couldn’t stop my momentum and BAM! Oh I felt bad. The mantis is a protected species because they kill the other bugs and eat them. They are ruthless. I love the fact that after they mate the female eats the head off the male. What? Are you kidding? What kinda sexual ritual is that? Insects are amazing really. I know they will inherit the earth and if God is an insect, oh boy, do I have hell to pay.

Poppy will be performing at Women’s Fest at Camp Rehoboth – April 8-9th !


Poppy Champlin has been a working comic since 1990. Making a living and doing it her way. Now a producer of her hit tour The Queer Queens of Qomedy, Poppy is still on fire. Her stand-up pedigree is flawless; from her latest SHOWTIME SPECIAL: PRIDE: The Gay and Lesbian Comedy Slam hosted by Bruce Vilanch to her LOGO SPECIALS: ONE NIGHT STAND-UP, to Oprah Winfrey, and a featured story on Entertainment Tonight, as she was the winner of America’s Funniest Real Woman on The Joan Rivers Show, to a panel guest on Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen, Poppy can also be seen working on the formidable cruise lines with Atlantis and Olivia cruises. Poppy has opened for such comics as Ray Ramano, Denis Leary, Bill Maher, Bill Hicks and Rosie O’Donnell. Her club appearances are many ranging from Gotham Comedy Club in NYC the Comedy Cellar and The Improvs, Laugh Factory and all in between. She is teaching a standup comedy class in her home town in Kingston, Rhode Island.

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One comment

  • diane patalano says:

    I enjoyed meeting you at Indigo Lounge. You seem to have created a great mobile/global/and zen-country life for yourself (in ‘south’ county, love it). I like you and not only are we URI systers, born bred and gratefully RI dead, but a black cow ran in front of my car going 60 mph on the road to Hana (Haiku) in the dark after a full day’s work when I lived on Maui in the 80’s. A real eye opener!