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What Now My Soul?

28 Apr Posted by in • Guest Writers | Comments Off on What Now My Soul?
What Now My Soul?

‘What am I called to now? I’m ready to explore what I really want to do with my life (if I know) and what keeps me from it.’

I am a student of metaphysical teachings. I went to classes for four years and spent three years in practicum, learning to be aware of and shift my consciousness to higher vibrations. I have been a coach and an affirmative prayer practitioner for hundreds of people one on one and in groups. I am a master facilitator and a faculty member for the American Leadership Forum. And on and on. I am qualified to help others get through their barriers and I have been able to move through many of the wounds and mindsets from my ancestry and my family of origin. I have walked fires, jumped off of poles, grabbed a trapeze and immersed in freezing water followed by Native American sweats. All of this has brought me to where I am.

Where I am is on a precipice. I feel ready for a new way of living as my authentic self —which I have been reclaiming all along. I believe I am the blackgirlmagic who is the singer, writer, dreamer, poet and not the one who coaches leaders and facilitates planning sessions. I came into doing what I do out of necessity and a discovered skill. I don’t regret anything I have done, my high tech career, my consulting/coaching or my non-profit leadership. I do believe I’ve made a difference in many lives and I believe this chapter is over.

Christie Hardwick

It’s over because I don’t feel the magnetism for it anymore. I find everything I do full of effort and stress where it once was easy for me. I find myself counting the hours until I don’t have to be on a schedule. I work for myself so you’d think I’d solved for this feeling of freedom, but when you have a mindset of accomplishment and getting everything as right as you can, even working for yourself doesn’t work.

What am I called to now? I’m ready to explore what I really want to do with my life (if I know) and what keeps me from it. I’m ready to explore the beliefs I have that being a writer and speaker is not enough. My belief that I’ll have to build a new practice from scratch and it will take years to create the same prosperity. And my belief that if I don’t generate lots of income, I’m not using my given talents wisely and that I am a spoiled, privileged, wealthy person who should be helping people who are poor and suffering instead of whining about how I want to live my dreams. This is where it falls apart for me. With so much pain in the world how dare I want to pursue even more happiness?

If I can get to what I want I can work with all the blocks to allowing it to happen through me. In order to make progress I will have to express my fears and concerns and make a commitment to myself that living my dream is responsible and ultimately benefits a suffering world—because there is one less person suffering and one more person who has ‘come alive’ with a full heart and a real passion for what I am doing.

It could mean that I combine my love of writing and speaking with causes I care about. I am deeply disturbed by human trafficking, the pillaging and polluting of the earth and mass incarceration. I should mention also the militarization of our police and the sanctioned execution of young black men. They have all seemed so overwhelming that I haven’t found a way to really make a difference. The other day when I saw that the man who murdered Trayvon Martin was selling the gun he murdered him with for 250,000 dollars, I was enraged and started an invitation for a thousand people to join me in sending $250 dollars to the Trayvon Martin Foundation for Social Justice. The first $2000 was raised in the first few hours. I hope it takes off and people kick in so that the legacy of the young man is honored and not his killer made rich.

While I believe in direct action I mostly believe in shifting consciousness. People who are centered in love and connection don’t do terrible things to each other. So then I think “just focus on helping people find their center of love, compassion and open heartedness.” I think, “this is what I can do for now”. And what is the vehicle for that? I created an event as an attempt to answer the question. My event is called Provincetown Inspiration Weekend -filled with uplifting music, spoken work and workshops. The weekend offers an opportunity to reflect, relax and renew our inner resources. It invites us to take personal responsibility for a more love filled planet by each of us being a channel for love.

If you too wonder, “what now my soul” join us and let that question unfold.

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