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• Monica Palacios  // Monica Palacios, Writer/Performer, Adjunct Professor
www.monicapalacios.com

Detective Benson’s Vibrating Gavel

Detective Benson’s Vibrating Gavel

I knew it was eventually going to catch up with me.  No, not my middle age flab—jury duty.  I had successfully evaded my citizen responsibility for 3 decades.  I guess my excuses over the years were believable:  I didn’t get my allowance this week.  My tummy hurts.  My panties are itchy. On January 5, 2012, […]

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01 Jan Posted by in • Monica Palacios | Comments Off on 2011 – Looking Back, Forward, & Under The Bed

2011 – Looking Back, Forward, & Under The Bed

2011 – Looking Back, Forward, & Under The Bed

So much happened throughout 2011. I’m dizzy from it all but then again, I’m still trying to figure out how to record TV shows using my VCR. I taught all school year at UCLA and UC Santa Barbara—two classes per quarter. I usually teach one course a quarter.  The thing about teaching college classes–you can’t […]

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I’m a Monkey’s Uncle

I’m a Monkey’s Uncle

The Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie is Curious George on steroids and a shot of Jack Daniels.  Since I was a little dykeling, I always wanted a chimpanzee as a pet so he could do my Saturday chores and then we could hang out in our tree house looking at Playboy. Carrying […]

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09 May Posted by in • Monica Palacios | Comments Off on Vivacious Vegetarianista

Vivacious Vegetarianista

Vivacious Vegetarianista

I became a vegetarian for a dame. I know—the things we do for love. But when I met this lovely lady 22 years ago, my meat consumption was minimal. I was a waitress at a steakhouse and serving grilled flesh all the time made me shiver and my nipples spin. And then one day, the […]

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21 Apr Posted by in • Monica Palacios | Comments Off on No, No to Mr. Gyno

No, No to Mr. Gyno

No, No to Mr. Gyno

I was in the pens, pencils and popcorn aisle at Staples, trying to figure out if I should commit to the extra fine point or the fine point.  I was doodling on the practice note pad and I was feeling political so I wrote: Stop the war—show me your panties. I was writing other profound […]

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Lesbian Orgasms: A Dog’s Best Friend

Lesbian Orgasms: A Dog’s Best Friend

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! ‘Lesbian Orgasms’ first appeared in Epochalips in July of 2010. I want to open a business called, Pap and Pup: pap smears for lesbians and their dogs, because that’s how inseparable we are. There are no boundaries with lesbians and their precious furry friends. And that’s why during our love-making sessions, […]

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Black Swan Makes Me Hungry

Black Swan Makes Me Hungry

The psychological thriller Black Swan is all the buzz with the “lesbian sex scene” between its stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Well yeah, everybody wants to see pretty young women getting it on with each other—even Republicans. I must hand it to Ms. Portman for delivering a solid performance as a bony young woman […]

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18 Dec Posted by in • Monica Palacios | Comments Off on Feliz Navidad Feminista Style

Feliz Navidad Feminista Style

Feliz Navidad Feminista Style

Christmas reminds me of my Tia Nonita.  She was a hardcore Catholic: she had an 8 foot shrine of la Virgen de Guadalupe—in her make up bag. That’s fierce.  So to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, every year was a huge highlight for this 80-something year old woman—next to, bingo on Friday nights. I […]

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Coming Out Story – Leaving Chico

Coming Out Story – Leaving Chico

The following is a performance piece in progress. Fall 1978, I’m 19 years old, a sophomore at Chico State University in Northern California.  I’m an Art Major and I’m also enrolled in a Fiction Writing Course.  I write in the first person as a man and talk about chicks I like to have sex with—foreshadowing. […]

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Handsome Lady With a Hat

Handsome Lady With a Hat

Back in Spring of this year, I purchased a man’s black hat, something your grandfather would wear: a cotton/polyester blend with the narrow brim upturned in the back. Actually come to think of it, my sombrero resembles the hat Pinocchio wears in the Disney movie—minus the little feather. Yeah those Oktoberfest hats—you know the ones.  […]

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